| Breathalyser Test |
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I have sung off-key when I was young, played the recorder, the guitar, the clarinet and the trumpet out of tune, and yet I'm still convinced that I have what it takes to be a wicked tuba player. I've recently taken the tuba up again, after my GP had reassured me that I stood a minute thousand to one chance of popping a vessel in my brain, and even though I know that the noise I produce must be unbearable, this by no means stops me revelling in my own jungle sounds. From time to time I find it extremely difficult to hit the instrument's keynotes. The reason is that I dread disturbing the neighbours, which is having a seriously damping effect on my blowing force. This is also one of the reasons why I have confined myself for now to the nether regions, lips flapping around in the sizeable mouthpiece, an additional bonus of which is that hardly anybody notices that I'm playing out of tune. But wouldn't I just love to let rip in quivré - the sound that merges the keynotes with a pitch several octaves higher, and which can only be produced when blowing with all one's might. To play a tuba in quivré is to know how an elephant must feel, and I can assure you that trumpeting elephants must feel pretty damn wonderful. There is just the one aspect that has me worried - if the insufferable noise I produce gives me such pleasure, how about the breathtakingly nasty pieces the writing of which is a source of at least as much gratification? |