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I've done it again, or rather, I've just stopped short of doing it again. It's only January and although we have enjoyed the odd ray of sunshine, we have since lapsed into the sort of situation where it's only one's own ingenuity which can help lift one's spirits. An acquaintance calls at the door with a sunny expression on his face and a box under his arm which I know contains waffles for a good cause - which may go some way towards explaining the state of his teeth. He's only a word or two into his jolly introduction when I droopily gesture that I'm not in any fit state to listen to his explanation and tell him to buzz off. This comes as a blow. Of course I should have explained that he should have known by now that I don't believe in his mission, but my body language tells him to naff off, and I make the accompanying apocalyptic gesture in the direction of the door. He makes a half-turn and violently slams the door shut behind him. Again I think something along the lines of "naff off", and I hurl myself down the stairs and storm out of the door. Even at this early stage in the proceedings I couldn't help thinking. What if he refuses to be overwhelmed, what do I do then? But he didn't. Although he broke into a trot, he must have realised almost instantly that my athletic ability is a force to be reckoned with, and so he turned around, hanging on for dear life to his box of waffles. As a matter of fact he opted for the sensible approach, remonstrating while at the same time apologising for having abused my door - an idea perhaps for the religious niche of the 24/7 economy, where the notion of opening hours is, after all, pretty useless - and thus confronted me with a dilemma: was it his chin I should aim at, or should I go for his waffles? Neither prospect held any appeal nor was the sort of thing that I am wont to do. I think he tried launching an argument as to who had started it, but I spontaneously did what I always do when the pigeons wake me up early in the morning: I waved my arm and cast a threatening look at him, and again the so-called good cause took off, enabling me at long last to be sensible about the whole thing. No need to hit him, all I said was Get lost before I let him go. |